Surrender meant giving up, letting go, losing control.
I don't like to lose control. I had a plan for motherhood. Home birth, cloth diapers, attachment parenting, co-sleeping and breastfeeding until he was at least two. I am progressive don'cha know. I had my plan and it would all be perfect. The truth is, I had planned to be the "perfect mom.”
As far as I saw it, I had it under control. It was all going my way until my body stopped producing “enough” milk. This was not part of my plan.
So, I did what I have always done: I pushed harder, worked harder, controlled more, and did everything in my power to make it work my way. And believe me, I got it to work, right up until I found myself in the emergency room with a body that was screaming at me to stop!
So, here I am on my knees, surrendering, healing, slowly learning what the universe is teaching. Just like yoga (and all other aspects of life), motherhood is a flow, things are constantly changing and it is all okay. There is no ideal way, there is just what is. I remembered what yoga teaches: all we can ever do is be with what is, love what is, accept what is, and ultimately learn from it, too.
Now, to me, surrender means giving in to the flow of life rather than constantly fighting against it.
Let's take the summer to chill out, go with the flow, and let the yoga work.
Thanks to the Wanderlust Blog for this sweet post.