Yet, it is rare indeed to encounter someone who actually has developed a framework and a working strategy to navigate these relationships. If we are in a monogamous relationship, how should we behave toward a member of the opposite sex who we find attractive? What is a responsible way to manage that energy and the powerful feelings that go along with it? What if we’re single? Then what do we do? Is it okay to pursue or allow ourselves to be pursued by everyone we come across who we find attractive? What do we want to create really? How do we define it? And then how do we manifest it?
These are just a few questions that most people never take the time to answer. Many keys to our personal development and to living an awesome, profoundly joyous life lie in this exploration.
Here is a different way of looking at your alignment to the opposite sex.* It is one of the great teachings I’ve ever come across and when put into practice it will help you to create clear boundaries, develop parts of yourself you may not have realized you possess and ultimately, bring your relationships to the next level. Here goes…
There are only four people from the opposite sex that you are ever going to meet: Men will only ever meet Mothers, Daughters, Sisters and A Wife/Lover.Women will only ever meet Fathers, Sons, Brothers and A Husband/Lover.
This means that as a man my job is to know who exactly I am dealing with and then to treat them with the appropriate energy. If I encounter a “mother” I become the son and must treat her with love, care and respect. If I encounter a “daughter”, I tap into my paternal instincts and I treat her with love, kindness and protection. When I encounter a “sister” I treat her with brotherly love—platonic, protective, helpful. And last, but not least, when I meet that special someone with whom I want to develop a deeper connection, I can choose to call upon that sacred part of myself that has been honed just for them. They get to know me in a way that no one in the other three groups has access to.
For you women out there, this all holds true as well. Depending on who it is you are dealing with, you will have a chance to bring out your motherly, daughterly and sisterly energy at the right time. And of course, when you meet that special someone, you will be able to share that sacred dance with them.
Now, let’s have a word about “brothers” and “sisters” because this is where this whole framework really gets tested. Lines get a little blurred here because sometimes these “brothers” and “sisters” come in rather alluring packages. So, this is where it takes clarity of purpose, discipline and awareness to check yourself, stay on track and call up the proper energy in that moment.
Remember, no one is perfect. This is a framework that you can aspire toward if it resonates. It is meant to provide a guideline, but not to corner you into a box that leaves you feeling guilty or ashamed of what comes up for you around this issue. Everyone in the world could benefit from a bit more compassion when it comes to relationships, sex and sexuality.
If you are reading this blog on YOGANONYMOUS, chances are you are working on being the best ‘you’ possible. I hope that this teaching resonates with you and can help you as much as it has helped me. Enjoy!
Tommy Rosen *
To any of the Gay members of this readership, please forgive the heterosexual approach to this blog. No offense meant. Just coming from my own perspective.