By now most of you reading know that Anu-sara means to be part of the flow, to be of the current, to be in the wake.
The first tenant is of course Open to Grace. Let us soften our edges, let us allow support from the current of goodness around us so we can submerge ever more deeply into our true essence of freedom, joy, bliss, and love.
BUT…
I have a deep dark secret to confess.
I am totally addicted to the dark, rubbing, uncomfortable, melancholic, existential crisis of life.
Hi my name is Livia and I am a hearteacheaholic.
In my effort to break this addiction, as well as cure my fear of being consumed by the very act of living AS the act of spiritual awakening, and the vicious cycle of disowning my happiness, innate joy, and chance for deep intimacy both in relationship and as a human being LIVING life I confess a conversation.
And so it went a little something like this….
Livia: UG! He is like so in love with life. He affirms life by saying I want more of this or more of that.
Acupuncturist: And what’s wrong with that?
Livia: Nothing! It’s great…really. I’m glad he is so succumbed by life. But I misinterpret his “I want more” as if I, Livia have not done enough. So I am basically anxious all the time that I am not doing enough.
Acupuncturist: (quite, patient, waiting,)
Livia: It’s like I am afraid of being IN life itself you know? He wants more more more more of life, of me, of everything, to co-create something. I am so afraid that in the co-creation I will be consumed. Yes that’s it! I have a fear of being consumed by him, consumed by our relationship. But more than anything I am afraid of being consumed by life itself.
Acupuncturist: Gosh it sounds like you are holding on so tight to something there.
Livia: Yes, exactly! I am desperately holding on. Making all these boundaries, making all these limitations so that I don’t have to be consumed by the co-creative third party of my relationship or even my life.
Acupuncturist: Golly, that sounds so exhausting. Don’t you think you are using a lot of energy to do that?
Livia: Yes! I am exhausted! See as long as I stay holding on in that place, in that rub, in that difficulty then I can have an existential crisis. I think I totally over identify with the existential crisis. I am afraid if I let go and become immersed in life I wont have that cosmic-broken-heartedness-existential-crises thing.
Acupuncturist: And what would happen if you let yourself be overtaken by life?
Livia: (stunned blank look on her face)
Acupuncturist: You might be happy?
And so for those of us afraid of jumping in for the fear of drowning in our own pool of sublime joy…life is happening. Aren’t you tired of waiting for life?
